ridding my unhelpful wants

awareness has been given to me showing many things I can improve upon where to start my standards are shifting I thought I had figured things out but I have so far to go relations with others and myself and our planet understanding what our needs are and ridding my unhelpful wants I am in the right place it just scares me to be here but in the end a challenge is good i will never be satisfied with contentment

An Early Morning Haiku

If you give too much It's easy to feel slighted Like setting a trap

What I found in my typewriter case when I opened it for the first time in years

Gypsy Bamboozler

I guess it's okay to feel lonely and unhappy

because then the moments when you feel connected to people

mean extra

right?

Do people like the concept of me better than the reality?

Maybe I don't know how to access the reality of myself yet

at least with others

how do some people do that so easily?

I'm stuck acting within the idea of who I think I am

I'm fickle. I don't ever know completely what I want. These trials are teaching me something though. Unfortunately I'm just not quite there yet.

Just because you can try all the options doesn't mean any of them are correct. Good job, you can tally on your list that you bagged another few last night. Roped em in. What a tease. What do you gain? You know you don't really want them. None of them here, at least. I wonder how long I'll have to search. 

I need a person who talks to me in a way I feel is real and direct. Who won't let me evade or play the bad part of my games. Who sees the truth of me. Who cares about what I do but lets it remain mine. A person who has their own interests, hobbies, goals, motivation. I can't be their entire muse, but I want us to both inspire each other by our own dedication to what we love. I want a funny person who is secretly evil in the same ways I am. I want to think you're a babe. I want you to think I'm a babe. I need intelligence. I need logic and cleverness. I need emotional stability. Mutual respect. I want a person who quiets down all the other options.

Anyway, I'm hungover on a train and all my friends seem to be in love right now and it's so annoying. It's bad when you see people being happy and it makes you irritated. Why does growing up have to feel so shitty sometimes? 

Also, grown up. "grown ups"....that suggests that you grow up from a child and then you're an adult and you're done growing. I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. You just grow into your body, but uh, your mind isn't ever all the way grown up. Well, maybe like when you get really old you reach a certain clarity. I'm so far from it it's hilarious. That part of being old will be great, but the body decay part will suck. You win some you lose some. 

 

time tells

logic says wait

heart does too

but head says waaaant

Golf and Love In The Past

Año 1 603
URUGUAY ON GOLF


 "Later on, women invaded the links, intrigued by the importance their husbands bestowed on that mysterious little ball."


....



I think that's from a travel magazine for Uruguay in the 50s. I had that quote written down in a journal I reopened. In other news, Brazil on love in the 70's:

I'm Your Waterfall

we can still support each other
all we gotta do's avoid each other


if you can't love me
stop pulling me back
even if i want you to


I don't want to be your waterfall anymore
I know it goes both ways, this attraction
but i'm the bully of the situation, i know it